Hit Me
by HogwartsPrincess11587
Summary: Things get physical in an entirely different way for Erin Lindsay and her partner Jay Halstead. A competition in which a single punch changes their relationship forever. A Linstead two-shot. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**"I'd love to see what you do with Linstead" – UKgirl71**

 **This is set early in season two prior to cannon Linstead, it's an idea I had a while back but never got around to writing properly. Feels a little OC but these aren't my usual characters…**

 **Dedicated to UKgirl71 for the 600** **th** **review on Baby Severide and all the others, I greatly appreciate your support and hope that you enjoy this.**

 **Warning: Course Language**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD or any of the wonderful characters. I'm just having fun with them. Any mistakes are my own.**

"Jay please" Erin requested, eyeing him carefully as she shifted her weight from foot to foot, ready for anything.

"I can't." Her blue eyed partner replied adamantly, retreating another half step. He was quickly running out of room in the boxing ring. It wasn't the response she was after so she swung at him, it was weak and he easily deflected. He hadn't seen her other hand moving though, connecting squarely with his jaw. "Hey!" He complained, taking another step back.

"Hit me!" She demanded fiercely, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her gloved hand as she advanced towards him. Continuing until he was cornered, she was tired of the stupid dance they were doing, ready to end things.

"Don't… please" He pleaded, trying to make himself as small as he could up against the corner post. Keeping his hands raised, moving them rapidly to protect himself as she worked to land another blow. Jay took the chance to look past their hands to her face, her determined expression told him everything he needed to know. As if he was accepting his fate the loss of focus allowed her to an opportunity to slam her knuckles into his stomach.

"Pathetic" She spat at him, he knew exactly what she meant. Keeping your core tense was the most basic principle in any form of hand to hand combat. He wasn't thinking of it as a fight though, he didn't want to.

"Lindsay. Please. You win" He surrendered weakly.

"No! You sexist bastard. HIT ME!" Erin argued forcefully hoping to drive him to lash out with words since her physical attacks seemed to be going nowhere. Barraging him with punches, varying location and strength to keep him on his toes, still no indication he was going to retaliate.

"Yeah! Hit her!" Adam Ruzek called encouragingly from somewhere to her right.

"I'm not going to hit you" Jay informed softly, for her ears only, not even flinching when he couldn't block in time, earning another firm hit to the right side of his face.

"Why not?" Erin hissed back, determined to continue until he landed at least one punch.

"Erin" He groaned, letting his arms fall to his side in yet another attempt to concede. Thinking the whole thing was a stupid waste of time. He was done. Erin lowered her hands for a moment, stepping forward until they were almost chest to chest, extending her right hand to rest on his shoulder before looking up. He expected her to say something venomous, the dark and dangerous look in her eye indicating she was beyond frustrated. Instead she moved in a blur kneeing him in the groin, slamming her left fist just below his sternum to force the air from his lungs, releasing the steadying hold of her right hand she stepped back to admire her handiwork. He gasped as he fell, only just catching himself on the ropes to remain on his feet, refusing to acknowledge the pain.

"YES!" Ruzek cheered, far more enthusiastically than was appropriate given his colleague had just been hurt. He should have been able to empathise, having carried on extraordinarily after his run in with Nadia.

"Shh" Dawson ordered, thumping the younger man's upper arm without taking his eyes off the pair in the ring. Jay was still recovering, Erin watching and waiting, bouncing to keep warm.

"I have that on video" Ruzek informed in a rough but triumphant whisper. "I thought they were going to kiss" He justified smugly, shaking his phone in celebration.

"What?" Dawson demanded, offering a disapproving look before refocusing, watching their nominated referee step in.

"I think you've won" Olinsky told Erin, placing his hand on her shoulder to keep her from lurching forward and attacking her opponent while he was down. That was the way she had chosen to think of Jay, her adversary rather than her ally for the first time since they had been partnered together.

"No, I haven't" She dismissed angrily, shrugging his hand off before moving to pepper punches all over his body, he repeatedly failed to bring his gloves up in time. She didn't care. She wasn't going to stop now.

"Erin" Olinsky tried to reason, she was usually Lindsay to him and for a moment he thought it was enough to get through to her.

"You know the rules Al" She shook her head, gesturing for him to get out of the ring and out of the way. She knew she was poking the bear now, tapping her partner's cheek repeatedly, just hard enough for it to start to burn. Jay simply reached out pushing her back a little when he'd had enough. "Better" Erin nodded encouragingly, taking another step back she was pleased when he advanced, thinking she might actually be getting to him. "Anytime you're ready" She added impatiently when Jay looked to Olinsky hopefully allowing her to punch him in the face, harder this time, enough to make him wobble for a second, the world spinning around him.

"I'm not going to hit you" Jay sustained.

"Just once" She practically begged, looking to the silent third party in the ring. Alvin knew exactly what her glance was saying: 'That's the rule we all agreed to.' One punch from each opponent or they had to restart, initially decided upon to even the playing field given Antonio's years of experience of sparring.

"No"

"Nobody ever tells you the second half of the rule, you can't hit a girl unless they ask for it" She provided, it was childish but she needed him to know it was more than that. He wasn't hitting a girl, he was hitting a willing participant in a sparring match, the fact she was female shouldn't have any bearing on his conduct.

"Don't be stupid" He growled, the first flicker of anger in his eyes not missed by her.

"I'm not" She defended instantly. "You are though. Hit me once and this'll all be over" She encouraged, pleased with the low level aggression he was now showing, advancing another step towards her. "I'll win the money and shout a night at Molly's" She added, wondering why she had ever agreed to the competition in the first place. It was something Adam had suggested on a rainy day when they were stuck at the district doing paperwork. They'd rigged the draw to handicap Antonio and got a few uniforms in to make things interesting, though the patrolmen had soon learned they were well out of their league, even with Lindsay. There wasn't much of a prize, some cash and infinite bragging rights, she'd agreed only because she thought it could be good exercise.

"What's the point?" Jay demanded, taking a similar line of thought to her. He saw absolutely no reason why they couldn't call it a draw and spend the prize pool at Molly's.

"If you don't hit me I'll have to fight Antonio; I'll never win and he'll have no issue hitting me" Erin summarised rationally, another strategy, she nodded encouragingly, seeing her logic starting to get through to him. Combined with his frustration maybe it would be enough.

"So you're saying I'd be doing you a favour?" He questioned, frowning at the way she had managed to turn the situation around.

"Yes, it's the gentlemanly thing to do" She enthused.

"This is so twisted" He groaned, trying to block out everything and think it through.

"Just fucking hit me already!" She commanded. If he took much longer she wouldn't be able to have the bath she'd been looking forward to all day, or paint her nails.

"You've won" He granted, tapping her on the shoulder as lightly as he could manage. Smiling at what he thought was a stroke of genius.

"The rules require one decent punch from each person, that's why I let Ruzek punch me before I dropped him" She explained, but it was too late, she's lost him right around the word punch.

"I'm done" Jay shrugged, turning his back to her, moving to follow Olinsky who had climbed out while they were conversing. Her first kick got him in the back of the knee, almost tripping him, he hadn't been expecting it, but kicking was well within the rules. The second was higher, literally kicking his ass. He stumbled and twisted, capturing her right foot in rough hands, he'd perfected this move with his brother as a kid, refining it during his early days of military training. Forcing her to hop awkwardly to remain balanced, pulling her in while twisting her leg anticlockwise, her leg muscles screaming in protest. It hurt. Shocked, that was when their eyes met, Erin immediately sensing that her partner was gone. She'd been trying so hard to get him to snap, not realising how utterly terrifying it would be when he did. He gave her leg another tug, eyes cold and calculating. Erin didn't know what to do, how to make him stop. Arms flailing wildly as she struggled to stay upright, she had no chance to protect her face. He drew his arm back, time standing still as his black glove neared at an alarming rate. She barely had time to close her eyes and turning away or deflecting the blow were out of the question. The force of the impact was sufficient that her head snapped back, timed with the release of her leg such that she fell uncontrollably to the floor. He turned before seeing that though, over the ropes and passing their spectators before the thud reached his ears.

"What the hell man?!" Dawson demanded, already rushing forward to see if Lindsay was alright.

"Dude! Voight is going to kill you" Ruzek added unhelpfully as Jay continued to flee towards the change rooms, looking back for a split second.

"You okay?" Antonio asked as he stepped into the ring, Alvin was standing over the dazed detective. Erin wasn't sure if it was really that solid a punch or if she was just stunned it had happened at all, sitting up slowly. "Erin?" He prompted when she didn't answer, offering her a hand up.

"Fine" She snapped the moment she released his hand, not entirely confident she would remain upright but stubborn enough to refuse help.

"I'll get you some ice" He comforted, wanting to stay with her but the only one who knew his way around the gym, Alvin and Adam both just standing there. All four were finding it difficult to process what had just happened.

"It's fine" She assured with her best attempt at a smile, thrusting her hand at him so he could undo the Velcro of her glove instead. Only once her hands were bare did she risk touching her face, pain setting in she could almost feel the bruising and swelling around her eye.

"You sure?" Alvin asked, seeing through her façade. She gave a sharp nod, though that made her feel like being sick and spread the pain from localised to a full on headache, and climbed out, doing her best to hide her limp, leg aching.

"So who won?" Was the last thing she heard from the men, Ruzek ever curious; following in the footsteps of her partner, a speedy retreat towards the change rooms. They were the only people there so the women's change room was empty, she stripped off her sweaty outer layer, stuffing clothes into her bag before rifling through for something to change into, form fitting black yoga pants and her button down from work the first appropriate items she touched. Her hands were shaking too severely to do up the buttons and after a moment she gave up and left them open, sports crop and a fair bit of skin on display. She needed to get out of there though, only just holding it together as it was.

Barging out of the change rooms she collided with a solid wall of muscle, instant recognition followed by a hasty retreat the sequence the partners both opted for. Erin pushed past and headed for the exit, determined to get as far away as possible as quickly as possible. Not bothered that he was deathly pale and reeked of vomit. She didn't want to see him again anytime soon, she didn't want to see anyone. Jay hung back, the shadow around her eye evidence that his nightmare was real, not sure he wouldn't be sick again he leaned lightly against the change room door. Watching her carefully as she crossed the open space and disappeared out the exit, as much as she was trying to hide it he knew her well enough to see the change to her stride, pushing backward as he tried not to be sick right then and there.

Erin reached her car in seconds, tossing her bag across to the passenger seat as she started the engine, pain radiating up her leg as she angled her foot to make the car move. Reversing out of the car space before turning out of the car park and speeding off down the road, ignoring the orange traffic light as she held her destination in mind. She stopped at a red but her weaving and speeding made her journey far from legal, or safe. Her apartment block grew larger as she neared, parking as close as she could to the door, hoping that the elevator wouldn't still be out of service, three flights of stairs particularly unappealing. Her knee throbbed each time she put her weight through it to haul herself up the stairs, head pounding synchronously. Stepping into her apartment she threw her keys and bag at the wall, sliding down the door, his betrayal stinging in her eyes. She had asked him to do it. After a moment she pulled herself up and started to remove her shoes, just in time it seemed.

"Who won?" Nadia chirped lightly, amusement clear in her voice, face falling as she took in her roommates appearance. Erin looked exhausted, eyes glistening with unshed tears, one surrounded by a bruise that seemed to darken even as she watched, strong hands shaking violently. "What happened?" She questioned, moving forward to provide comfort. Erin didn't want that though, accepting Nadia's caring meant accepting what had happened, she wasn't ready for that so she pushed past the young woman and made her way to the kitchen. Nadia followed in time to see Erin snatch the bottle of vodka from the bench and a bag of peas from the freezer. "You lost?" She asked cautiously, Erin gave a grunt then stomped her way to the bathroom, slamming the door shut before Nadia could follow her in there as well.

Erin sighed shakily as she sat on the edge of the bath, turning on the water and stuffing the plug into place while unscrewing the bottle of vodka with her left hand. A skill she wasn't usually proud of. She took a gulp, cringing as the clear liquid burned its way to her stomach. With the bottle and peas set down on the ledge she stood and removed her clothes, leaving them where they fell, dropping her towel from its hook to the floor next to the bathmat. Watching it pool in a fluffy heap she noted her bruised ankle before lifting her good leg and stepping into the bath, not wanting to slip and injure herself further if her knee gave way. The water was hot, too hot. But she sat down in it anyway, letting pain signals overwhelm her brain as she leaned forward to add some cold water to the stream of pure hot. Sinking back she wished she'd grabbed a hair tie, brushing her hair aside before applying the frozen peas to her eye, inhaling sharply after swallowing another mouthful. Embracing the buzz and warmth spreading through her body, stilling her shaking hands but doing nothing for her racing mind. Yet. She'd get there soon enough. Until then she reflected on how royally she had fucked everything up, again. The Erin Lindsay specialty.

The bath almost overflowed she was so caught up, conflicted, confused. Why the hell did she feel like her heart had just broken? She turned off the taps and let some of the water out, dropping the peas and knocking the lid to the vodka bottle across the bathroom as she did so. "Ugh!" She groaned to herself as she flopped back, submerging herself completely until her lungs screamed and the urge to inhale increased. Drowning herself was just as tempting as drowning her sorrows, her will to live was too strong and soon she surfaced, gasping and coughing. Fishing out the peas she resumed her slump, sipping away at the vodka and icing her eye for as long as she could bear. Hours passed, the water cooled, the bottle in her hand got lighter and lighter, and an alcohol induced calm fell over her. She stayed lying in the bath until the last of the tepid water drained away, leaving the peas and half empty bottle in the tub as she got out, wrapping her towel around herself. She brushed her teeth half-heartedly and emptied her bladder before opening the door and trudging towards her bedroom.

"Oh good, you didn't drown" Nadia offered as she appeared at her own bedroom doorway, frustrated by the hours of not knowing.

"Shut up" Erin growled, pausing for a moment.

"I thought you were better than this" Nadia sighed, that seemed to get through to her. Erin looked up, gave a sad, sorrowful look, then entered her bedroom and slammed the door. Anger rising she was soon tearing apart her room, not randomly though, in search of something. Every drawer she had was emptied onto the ground, clothes on hangers from her wardrobe crumpling as she threw them carelessly, one thing on her mind. It had to be somewhere. She knew she still had it. Then she found it, in her washing basket, grey and soft and warm. Her towel was somewhere beneath the mess, forgotten, she pulled on the t-shirt. His t-shirt. She'd claimed it on an undercover mission, telling him it made their cover more believable, husband and wife. He'd thought it was stupid since someone busting in while they were sleeping was incredibly unlikely. Once he'd seen it on her though he'd stopped complaining, using their cover as an excuse to compliment her, they'd shared one of their looks before laughing it off, both knowing there was more to it. The fabric covered everything it needed to, comfortably loose on her smaller frame, adding a pair of underwear she crawled into bed and gave in to the absolute physical and emotional exhaustion she felt.

 **I have a second part written but I don't think it's as good, I'll post it at some point tomorrow. Please leave a review and let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2 as promised. As I said yesterday I don't feel that this is as good and all the reviews I received made me question if I should take another day and refine this – thank you if you took time to leave me your thoughts – truth is I'm never 100% happy with what I publish. Writer's curse I think :/ It's not the worst thing I've written though…**

 **Warnings: Course Language and Domestic Violence**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD or any of the wonderful characters. I'm just having fun with them. Any mistakes are my own.**

"Erin please" Jay pleaded, pounding on the door with bruised knuckles. He'd hit her hard enough to bruise his knuckles, despite wearing a glove, it was no surprise she didn't want to let him in. He kept knocking, desperate to see her again. She'd worked miracles with makeup that morning, arriving to work looking completely normal but for her bloodshot eyes, there was nothing she could do about those though. Just as he couldn't hide that he hadn't slept more than an hour or two.

Only when she had opened the door a crack no more than a minute ago to see who was there had he gotten a glimpse of the damage he'd done. Dark purple and pink swirling from her cheekbone to her eyebrow, a touch of yellow and blue nearer her nose. It made him feel sick again but also more determined, he was going to make things right.

"Go away" She called through the door, waiting until he stopped before locking the door loudly and stomping away. A clear message she hoped.

"Erin" He repeated continuing to knock as he pulled out his phone, she was his favourite contact so a swipe and a tap was all that was required to place the call. Inside she let her phone ring out, not even looking up from the book she was trying to read. She'd read the same sentence a dozen times before the knocking had even started. It was a futile attempt to take her mind off everything. Work had been interesting, word had clearly gotten to Voight and he'd taken every opportunity that presented itself to make Halstead's life a misery, even sending the detective on a coffee run when the machine had stopped working. He'd blamed Halstead for that too. "Please" He begged, calling once more before sending her a text message, all the while banging at her door.

"Go away!" She yelled, sinking further into the cushions as she adjusted her grip on the book and frowned trying to concentrate. She made it to the next sentence and then a third before Nadia came storming into the room.

"I'm trying to study! Let him in! Whatever. Just make it stop" Nadia requested, frustrated that Erin seemed to be doing what she couldn't, ignoring the incessant noise.

"Headphones" Erin suggested with a scowl.

"I'm letting him in" Nadia concluded after a second, turning on the spot and marching for the front door.

"Don't you dare!" She shouted as she clambered to her feet, book falling to the floor in her hurry. It was too late.

"I'm sorry" He apologised generally, looking first to Nadia, who gave a satisfied nod and started back to her room, then at Erin.

"Get out" She ordered firmly, voice low and dangerous.

"Erin, let me explain" Jay pleaded as he moved towards her.

"There's nothing to explain. I asked you to hit me so you did. I'm fine. Get out" She expanded, pointing past him to the door. As unfazed as her first few sentences sounded, he could feel the hostility in the last two words.

"I'm not fine" He admitted softly, as if it was hard for him to disclose vulnerability.

"Halstead" She replied, reiterating what she wanted him to do via tonal modulation rather than with words.

"Erin. I'm not okay. I'm not fine. I need you… to listen. That wasn't me… I can't sleep. I keep seeing it. I am so sorry. Er…" He stopped, having gotten closer while speaking, now just out of arms reach. The desire to pull her into his arms and not let go had never been so strong.

"It's fine. It's really not that big a deal. I've had worse" She dismissed, feeling the pull of his troubled blue eyes, hating that her body had automatically tensed, hands at the ready in case she needed to defend herself. It was one punch.

"I'm not my dad" He affirmed as if it were a mantra, frowning at the almost imperceptible change in her stance, not convinced he had imagined the flicker of fear in her eyes. Fear too similar to that he had seen too often as a child. He took that last step without even thinking, grasping her hands when she raised them in self-defence, pulling her in to his chest and wrapping his arms around her. From the moment he released her hands to the moment his chest heaved in a coarse sob she fought. It was such an unexpected noise, so heavy with pain the need to fight evaporated. Sliding her hands around his body she rested them in the middle of his back, squeezing. Trying to hold him together as he fell apart, silent sobs making his body quake no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

"Shhh" She soothed, rubbing his back in what she hoped was a comforting manner. He grew heavier in her arms until she was sure she was the only thing holding him up, dragging him as best she could to her couch. She tried to push him backward onto the couch but he didn't let her go so she was pulled down with him. Refusing to sit on his lap she moved until she leaned against the arm at the far end, holding his head against her chest, one leg crushed beneath him as he lay down as best he could, the other hooked over his to keep him close. Both seemed to be holding on for dear life.

"I'm so sorry" He rasped as he calmed, her fingers moving lightly through his hair.

"Shh, I'm okay, you're okay. I've got you" She assured softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Shocked to see him so deeply affected by what had happened, she had convinced herself she was the victim even though she knew she had incited the attack. Reflecting on it she accepted full responsibility, yet here he was showing more emotion than she'd ever seen from him before as he blamed himself.

"I couldn't stop. I was just so angry, he used to get angry…" Jay choked out.

"Your dad?" She questioned, playing with the soft spiky hair at the nape of his neck.

"He hit my mum…" He informed coldly, consumed by memories that still haunted him, it was likely they always would.

"I'm sorry" She breathed, not sure what more she could say, tilting her head to see the tortured look in his eyes. Blue orbs that twinkled when he smiled, her heart ached for him as she started to understand why he'd had such trouble. She felt truly awful, kissing his hair again before placing her hand on the side of his face, thumb stroking over his light stubble.

"I promised her, before she died I promised her I would never hit a woman" He said firmly, he didn't need to look up to be reminded that he had broken that promise, all he had to do was close his eyes. Thinking back to that one punch.

"I'm didn't know" Erin sighed, of all the things she had done in her life that she wanted to take back forcing her partner to break a promise he'd made his dying mother was close to topping the list.

"Nobody did. She hid it so well, long sleeves year round so you couldn't see the bruises, fake smiles, playing a role like an actress, a damn good one" He murmured, thinking back to hospital benefits and fundraising picnics.

"Why?" She asked, already feeling dreadful she didn't think being insensitive would make her feel much worse.

"Why did he do it? Or why did she stay?" Jay posed, seemingly willing to answer either line of enquiry.

"Both" She answered, not actually sure which she had been thinking of.

"He would just get so angry over anything, I'd spill something and he'd take it out on mum. Sometimes I thought he was going to kill her. It started when he became the Head of Trauma, work stress, longer hours... He started drinking too. Everything would set him off, but it was mostly something me or my brother did… We were little kids. He'd try to get to us but she was always there to stop him, to take the blame. He had the money, the reputation, the lawyer. Mum thought he'd get custody so she stayed, put up with it to protect us.

"I was twelve the first time I got between him and mum. He beat the shit out of me. Said I'd been mugged on the way home from school when he dragged me into the ED with a broken nose, broken ribs and a broken arm… They bought it. Next time it was a fight at school, after that I fell off just about everything you can think of; accident prone. A teenage boy taking stupid risks. It was getting ridiculous but nobody ever called him out on it or asked me if it was the truth.

"Then my brother stole cash from his wallet for some stupid video game, dad started on mum but I got involved again, got a few good punches in but he was so much bigger than me… Wanted to teach me a lesson that time, he didn't like that I'd tried to fight back, before I'd just taken it so mum didn't have to... And when I was unconscious on the living room floor he went after mum too, she thought I was dead so she fought back, hard, broke his nose and a few fingers – as a surgeon that was a big deal to him – Will was ten, crying, begging him to stop. I'd tried that as a kid… I'd tell Will to hide then I'd plead with dad as he thumped her again and again, I'd try to pull him off too.

"For some reason it worked that time. He stopped, realised what he'd done. Patched me up himself, stitched my eyebrow, then he dragged mum out to the car, crashed on purpose to cover up what he'd done… She was in hospital for two weeks, traumatic brain injury. Never quite the same person she had been before. Surely someone had noticed his knuckles, connected the dots with his broken fingers. Anyway after that he stopped. A few months later mum was dead, unrelated, cancer. She took it to her grave, never told anyone. I threatened to though. Refused to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor. 'Do no harm' what a fucking joke… He never hit Will. And he was big enough to take care of himself by then so I joined the Army, left it all behind..." He finished, muffling a yawn. It was exhausting to even think about, more so to finally open up and tell someone the whole story.

It had taken him close to three quarters of an hour, falling silent for long stretches as he relived those days in vivid memories. Erin had held him through the entire thing, not interrupting, just listening, being there for him the way she knew he would be for her.

"I'm really sorry Jay" Erin apologised seriously, shifting beneath him so that his head rested against her shoulder, holding eye contact with him.

"It's not your fault" He shrugged, not sure if she was speaking about his childhood or the previous afternoon, his response to both was the same.

"Yeah it is. I made you do it. I pushed you. I did this! I wanted you to hit me… I don't know what I was thinking" She shook her head, frowning, touching a fingertip to her bruised cheekbone before running it along his jaw, noticing the bruising to his face for the first time, light and well hidden by his facial hair. She'd punched him more than once, she's done just as much damage, if not more. The way he was acting made her feel like she had broken him.

"It scares me… to think that's inside of me… that anger… that ability to just… snap" He reasoned slowly after a long pause, thinking of more to add each time he stopped.

"I pushed you so hard though. I made you snap… I was angry too" She argued, needing him to stop being so hard on himself. It was challenging to see her partner so conflicted, scared of himself.

"No, it was me. I couldn't control it… I lost myself in my anger. I hurt you" He reminded, not that she had forgotten, skimming a finger lightly over her eyebrow, following the ridge of bone down and across where the bruising was darkest. It was painful to touch, except he was being so tender it almost felt nice.

"I hurt you too" She whispered back, inhaling slowly as she reached across, mirroring his soft touch. Not exactly sure why her heart rate had increased so rapidly, or why it felt like the temperature in the room had risen. She'd punched him. He'd punched her. She'd gotten drunk and cried herself to sleep. He'd taken everything Voight had thrown his way without complaint. She'd slammed the door in his face. He'd made his way in regardless, apologising, crumbling before her then explaining why it meant so much to him. It had been a rollercoaster twenty-four hours. And now she wanted to kiss him, inexplicably, faces so close that it wouldn't take much effort. What had started out as innocent physical comfort felt insanely intimate all of a sudden, his cheek resting against her breast, tilting his chin up as she leaned down. The reasons why it hadn't happened sooner furthest from her mind, it was what they both needed in that moment.

"You're not supposed to hurt the people you love" He breathed against her lips, as close as he could be without touching them. His hand trailed slowly from the side of her face to the back of her neck, increasing the distance between them for a second as he repositioned himself, twisting, conscious that he was half on top of her. He leaned in. She was sure her heart was about to explode. A door creaked, footsteps approached, by the time Nadia arrived in the room the detectives sat at opposite ends of the couch.

"Lost track of time, it's late" Nadia commented as she shuffled through to the kitchen not paying much attention to the look the pair shared.

"Mmm, it is getting late" Jay agreed, though he had no clue what the time was.

"I'm heading to bed" Nadia informed, placing her glass in the sink once she'd finished drinking. Finding it a little strange that their conversation had ceased, they were either talking about her or talking about something she wasn't supposed to hear. To be honest she was just glad they were talking to each other.

"Okay, I won't be too far behind you…" Erin began, cut off by her partner.

"We'll be quiet" He contributed with a smile, feeling in control once again.

"Sleep well" She finished, it almost sounded like an order though that hadn't been her intention.

"Right" Nadia said, narrowing her eyes as she looked the pair over suspiciously, something felt off. "Night."

"We'll be quiet? What was that?" Erin demanded the second she heard the familiar creak of Nadia's bedroom door closing, turning on her partner.

"What do you mean?" He questioned, genuinely confused. She gave him a look and realisation dawned. "You just have a dirty mind! I meant we'd keep our voices down."

"Sure" She accepted sceptically, shaking her head. He returned the suggestive look she had given him and before he knew it she was crawling towards him. Tucking her feet in under herself she sat next to him, curling to rest her head against his chest as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Thank you" He remembered, pressing his lips to the top of head though he wasn't entirely sure when that had become appropriate, the line seemed to have blurred. It felt nice when she had done it so he brushed it off as returning the gesture.

"For?" She enquired softly, placing her hand flat against his chest and looking up.

"Tonight… I'm sorry I kind of…" He opened his free hand rapidly, spreading his fingers to replicate an explosion. That's what it had been, an explosion of emotion.

"Thank you" She returned. "For telling me. For trusting me."

"Mhmm" He nodded glad he had persisted when it came to knocking at the door. They remained in a comfortable silence until the steady thud of his heart against the side of her face started to lull her to sleep. As relaxed and content as she was she didn't want to spend the night on her couch, his warmth was missed the moment she pulled away from him and stood up. Taking his hand and pulling him to his feet she led him through her apartment. "What? Where are we…?" He asked as he realised they weren't heading for the door.

"Trust me" She whispered, mindful her roommate was trying to sleep.

"What happened?!" Jay demanded as she flicked her bedroom light and closed the door with a click.

"Oh, um… I would've made my bed if I knew you were coming" She joked, looking around her trashed room. Between lazing in bed vowing never to touch alcohol again and applying makeup she hadn't had time to clean up before heading to work.

"Looks like you've been robbed" He commented, eyes scanning the floor, lingering on the contents of her underwear drawer before flicking back to her face. Flushed as she shook her head at him.

"Nope."

"What happened?" He requested, wondering if this was the aftermath of their sparring match, feeling guilty if it was.

"I was drunk and pissed off and looking for something" She justified, not even attempting to clean up, just standing there assessing the damage alongside him. Assured it wasn't an overreaction now that she had seen what that punch had done to him.

"That?" He questioned, recognising the one folded piece of clothing in her room, on her pillow sat his grey t-shirt.

"NO!" She defended sharply, shaking her head at the ridiculous notion that she was completely and totally in love with her partner. Colour rising in her cheeks until she couldn't hold eye contact for the stupid smirk on his face.

"Sure" It was his turn to contribute sceptically.

"Okay, maybe it was… maybe you make me feel safe" She confessed hypothetically, turning and moving until their chests met, staring up into his eyes.

"What about the rules?" He protested, licking his lips as she bit hers, if she was serious he was too.

"Screw the rules Jay. Come to bed with me, please" She requested voice thick with desire, taking his hand, squeezing it tightly for a moment as she pulled him closer to the bed.

"Erin" He warned, stumbling rigidly after her, he couldn't believe they were really about to do this.

"Please" She repeated softly, leaving a space between them so he could watch as she unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, letting them slide down her legs and pool at her feet. Next she took the edge of her shirt between her fingers drawing the dark fabric up and over her head seductively slowly.

"You're so beautiful" He breathed, eyes feasting on the abundance of smooth golden skin, hand reaching for her waist. The moment his fingers made contact with the hot flesh she turned away from him, reaching back for the shirt on her pillow, pulling it over her head. She removed her bra using the garment to protect her modesty then poked her arms out the sleeves. "What are you doing?" He squeaked, disappointed, hand still hanging in the air between them.

"Now who has the dirty mind huh?" She teased, raising her eyebrows challengingly.

"You" He groaned, he should have known it was too good to be true.

"We can't, you know that" She reasoned sympathetically.

"I just thought that… maybe" He sighed, he shouldn't have let himself think that, they were partners. They worked together, keeping things strictly professional, that was just how it had to be.

"One day Jay. I promise. Just not today" She explained, looking him straight in the eye so he could tell she meant what she was saying, reiterating the idea of one day. As much as he wanted that day to be today he knew could wait, she was worth it.

"Okay" He accepted as he stepped out of his jeans, following her into her bed in boxers and his t-shirt. She tugged his shirt off before letting him lay down, reaching across to turn off the light before moving back, legs extending parallel to his, hip at his waist because of the height difference, propped on her elbow. She hesitated for a second then made a split second decision.

"Until that day you'll just have to live with this…" She told him, cupping his face in her hand she leaned down and pressed her lips to his. It was everything she knew it would be, soft and warm, equal parts raw passion and nervous anticipation. Tongue passing over his lips she deepened the kiss as much as she could in such limited time. She didn't want to pull back but she did, savouring his taste on her lips as she snuggled against his bare chest. Relieved to know his heart was fluttering just as much as her own. It was enough for both of them, enough to picture a future where sleeping in each other's arms would be the norm, where they would always have each other.

 **The End.**

 **I hope that wasn't too much of a disappointment. Let me know in a review :D**

 **On a side note: I love the bookshelves in Erin's apartment but I've never gotten a good enough look to see what she reads. I like to think she was reading a Matthew Reilly – Australian author, action thriller genre – style book at the start of this. What do you think?**


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